i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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