he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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