i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
