I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
