Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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