Your dad touched me again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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