my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
