Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
