no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
