Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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