Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
