This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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