I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
