oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
