new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
