he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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