So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize