Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
