Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
