listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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