it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
