The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Alive.
So much puke
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
