So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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