how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Success! We fucked roommates!
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