Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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