I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
