I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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