Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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