That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize