that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize