I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
