She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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