bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
