it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
