I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
