Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
