if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
