I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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