did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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