How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
