I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
