Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
