It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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