you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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