i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
