got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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