apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the liver wants what the liver wants
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
