Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
