I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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