I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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