woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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