well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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