I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
