Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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