You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
