ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
