We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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