I haven't been this sober since birth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
