I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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