You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
