how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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